Four Months of Baby Phoenix And Finding A Fresh Perspective

What can I say? Being a mom is the most beautiful and most challenging thing in the world. One minute your heart feels like it can explode with love and the next you’re filled with worry because you’re not sure if you’re doing anything right. But regardless of all the emotional ups and downs, it’s been such a special season.

The past couple weeks I’ve been holding down the fort all on my own during the day since my hubby went back to work from leave. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to handle it all. But I managed to cook a few meals, have all bottles ready on time, make my bed everyday, and take a shower in between naps. WOOHOO! I have to admit I love all the 1:1 time I spend with Phoenix. I get to witness all the daily little changes.

He is smart, strong, and fun! He is so observant. Has a strong grip. And wakes up with smiles and giggles.

I can’t believe God made me HIS mommy. His bright eyed stare and happy expressions make my day. He’s my little joy bomb!

In a couple weeks, I go back to work from parental leave. And I am hoping and praying that I can balance being a mom, having a full-time job, and running Styld by Grace. I know I’m not the first or last mom to do this. It’s doable. And I lean on knowing that God will give me the grace for this new season.

My main goal for 2020 was to focus on loving my growing family. And I felt strongly in my heart to give that my full attention during my parental leave. Which meant putting other things on hold. It meant taking a step back from writing and creating for Styld by Grace. And I was so worried this would backfire and cause my progress to take a hit. I was very tempted to ignore that little voice. But I chose to obey the direction God was taking me on.

To my surprise, I have had record views on the blog these past few months. All the time, effort, and content I’ve created throughout the years have not been in vain. I’m so glad that the stuff I’ve been creating throughout the years is standing the test of time. I’m thankful that in following my gut (the Holy Spirit’s guidance), God’s favor and blessing followed.

I’ve also learned a very important lesson about creating and building. It’s not about the quantity. It’s about the quality. Striving to keep up appearances will never pay off. But investing time and effort for the things that really resonate with people and are authentic to who you are, will always pay off.

This little miracle God gave us has put so many things into perspective. I feel incredibly fortunate to have a little family of my own. It has sparked a desire to dig deeper both personally and creatively. And I’m excited to create from a refreshed frame of mind. THANK YOU for being part of all the seasons Styld by Grace has been through. This next chapter will be the best one yet!

Two Months of Baby Phoenix During A Global Pandemic

No one could’ve expected these crazy times, right? I’m sure you’re reading this while being home for quite some time. We’ve been staying home since baby Phoenix was born. He was born right before the nation closed due to COVID-19.

Being quarantined while having a newborn has been sweet. We’ve been able to savor every single moment and milestone. But I also have to be honest and admit that it has also been very difficult, as we’ve had to be away from our tribe.

The birth of Phoenix was supposed to be the culmination of a really long and difficult season. We were looking forward to being with family, friends, and enjoying life with our new baby. There’s a bit (actually a lot) of sadness in my heart. What we are living is far from what I had hoped for and envisioned for this season.

I know I’m not the only person who’s experiencing loss during this crisis. And I want to say that our loss is legit. And it’s totally ok to process it. There’s many dreams, plans, and expectations that have been put on hold. And all we hear about is death, stressful statistics, and the pressure to “flatten the curve”.

Despite the loss and pain that we are feeling during this time, we must lean into the voice of truth: God’s word and His promises. On Palm Sunday, as we had church from home, while holding onto our miracle baby, God reminded me of something.

A year ago during this time we were starting IVF. We had NO IDEA if it would work. It was a complete leap of faith. But we beat the odds and have a healthy baby boy in our arms. Even though this season doesn’t look and feel anything like what I hoped it would, I am literally HOLDING living proof of God’s faithfulness.

When I see Phoenix, I see God’s faithfulness. Every day I struggle with fear of what could happen to him. We waited so long, went through such physical and mental hardship, and endured lots of heartache to have him. Anxiety sometimes is inevitable for me. But I remember that he was an impossibility at one point. And somehow, God made a way. His faithfulness saw us through.

As we continue to move forward during these trying times, let’s remember to focus on God’s unfailing love and faithfulness.

What are you HOLDING in your life as living proof of God’s faithfulness today? During really hard moments, return to those and be encouraged that God’s faithfulness is always with you.

And on that note, I’d love to share some baby milestones we are celebrating as Phoenix turns two months.

Month Two of Baby Phoenix:
• He loves music and singing with mommy
• He is smiling more and has the cutest dimple by his chin
• He is outgrowing some of his newborn clothes (bittersweet feeling)
• He is starting to hold his bottle
• He can get his arms out of his swaddle
• He has a fiery personality and the name Phoenix fits him very well 😉

One Month Of Baby Phoenix

Let me introduce you to my beautiful baby boy Phoenix Palma! He is one month old today and I’m excited to finally share pictures of my sweet boy with you on the blog.

Being a new mom takes a lot of grace and love. For baby AND for yourself. My plan was to set up my blog posts before he arrived but he surprised us by coming a couple weeks before his due date. I never got a chance to document his nursery and still working on sharing his birth story. So stay tuned for those blog posts.

For now, let me share some really cute first month pics and share what it’s really like being a new mom…

1. Sleep deprivation is freakin’ HARD. I have never fallen asleep sitting up until the first week as a mom. Parents are not exaggerating when they say to get ready to be tired all the time. There’s really nothing that compares to this. I was very naive to think that because I’m a night owl I’d be perfectly able to CRUSH night feedings. Nope.

Night time comes and I suddenly feel anxious about how the night will go. And I pray for longer periods of sleep. After a month of this, I’m still really sleepy but somehow getting a slight hang of things.

2. All the feels, alll the time. I never understood why moms spoke of the postpartum period as a time they cried all the time. Weren’t they supposed to be happy to have their baby finally? Especially if you dealt with infertility like we did… how could you feel sad? Well, the first couple of weeks were emotionally really hard for me. I cried over being thankful. I cried over being sad. I cried when baby cried. I just felt every single emotions.

I realized my hormones were getting back to their pre-pregnancy and pre-fertility treatment levels. The best thing I did was to share how I was feeling with trusted loved ones. And not allow shame or guilt to get the best of me. I’m happy to say that I’m starting to feel like myself little by little.

3. I’m not only changing my sons diapers, I’m changing my own too. No one really prepares you for what your body will go through AFTER birth. Postpartum isn’t only about caring for a sweet new baby. It’s also about trying to take care of yourself. Depends and witch hazel wipes have been life savers. But taking time to care for your nether regions can be extra draining and time consuming. And I can’t imagine how tedious it can be for moms who have c-sections.

4. A love like you’ve never felt before. It’s crazy how your mama bear instincts turn on right away. Somehow you know how to carry, feed, and change diapers of your new baby. And you’re constantly worried and making sure they are doing well. I asked my friends that are parents if being a parent meant being worried all the time and they said, “Yup. Welcome to parenthood”. Life as we know it has changed. And we will always think of and worry for and want to help our baby. It’s the best / hardest thing in the world. And it feels like your heart could burst!

5. God is closer than I thought. I’ve prayed more than ever in these past four weeks. And God’s Spirit has enveloped us with his peace, grace, love, and strength. I’ve felt God so close to me. He’s used people to meet our physical needs by cooking for us or sending us food. He’s used people to bring words of encouragement and much needed hugs and love. He’s given me a strength that I didn’t think I had. He keeps teaching me to never underestimate myself because He’s already equipped me for this! I’m so thankful to have Jesus and his people surrounding me for this crazy/awesome journey of motherhood.

And now… some cute and funny facts about baby Phoenix:

He looks just like daddy. But has mommy’s personality. He is a great napper. And loves to lay on mommy and daddy’s chest to sleep. His poop looks like guac and sometimes like honey dijon mustard. He loves to listen to music and calms down when mommy sings. He is growing so fast! His cheeks are getting chubbier by the minute. His parents are in love with him, can’t stop staring and taking pics, and will endure sleepless nights to make sure he is well fed, loved, and nurtured.

Phoenix Palma, we love you bubs! This month has been nothing short of incredible. We are SO looking forward to seeing you grow up. Here’s to many more milestones together!