One Month Of Baby Phoenix

Let me introduce you to my beautiful baby boy Phoenix Palma! He is one month old today and I’m excited to finally share pictures of my sweet boy with you on the blog.

Being a new mom takes a lot of grace and love. For baby AND for yourself. My plan was to set up my blog posts before he arrived but he surprised us by coming a couple weeks before his due date. I never got a chance to document his nursery and still working on sharing his birth story. So stay tuned for those blog posts.

For now, let me share some really cute first month pics and share what it’s really like being a new mom…

1. Sleep deprivation is freakin’ HARD. I have never fallen asleep sitting up until the first week as a mom. Parents are not exaggerating when they say to get ready to be tired all the time. There’s really nothing that compares to this. I was very naive to think that because I’m a night owl I’d be perfectly able to CRUSH night feedings. Nope.

Night time comes and I suddenly feel anxious about how the night will go. And I pray for longer periods of sleep. After a month of this, I’m still really sleepy but somehow getting a slight hang of things.

2. All the feels, alll the time. I never understood why moms spoke of the postpartum period as a time they cried all the time. Weren’t they supposed to be happy to have their baby finally? Especially if you dealt with infertility like we did… how could you feel sad? Well, the first couple of weeks were emotionally really hard for me. I cried over being thankful. I cried over being sad. I cried when baby cried. I just felt every single emotions.

I realized my hormones were getting back to their pre-pregnancy and pre-fertility treatment levels. The best thing I did was to share how I was feeling with trusted loved ones. And not allow shame or guilt to get the best of me. I’m happy to say that I’m starting to feel like myself little by little.

3. I’m not only changing my sons diapers, I’m changing my own too. No one really prepares you for what your body will go through AFTER birth. Postpartum isn’t only about caring for a sweet new baby. It’s also about trying to take care of yourself. Depends and witch hazel wipes have been life savers. But taking time to care for your nether regions can be extra draining and time consuming. And I can’t imagine how tedious it can be for moms who have c-sections.

4. A love like you’ve never felt before. It’s crazy how your mama bear instincts turn on right away. Somehow you know how to carry, feed, and change diapers of your new baby. And you’re constantly worried and making sure they are doing well. I asked my friends that are parents if being a parent meant being worried all the time and they said, “Yup. Welcome to parenthood”. Life as we know it has changed. And we will always think of and worry for and want to help our baby. It’s the best / hardest thing in the world. And it feels like your heart could burst!

5. God is closer than I thought. I’ve prayed more than ever in these past four weeks. And God’s Spirit has enveloped us with his peace, grace, love, and strength. I’ve felt God so close to me. He’s used people to meet our physical needs by cooking for us or sending us food. He’s used people to bring words of encouragement and much needed hugs and love. He’s given me a strength that I didn’t think I had. He keeps teaching me to never underestimate myself because He’s already equipped me for this! I’m so thankful to have Jesus and his people surrounding me for this crazy/awesome journey of motherhood.

And now… some cute and funny facts about baby Phoenix:

He looks just like daddy. But has mommy’s personality. He is a great napper. And loves to lay on mommy and daddy’s chest to sleep. His poop looks like guac and sometimes like honey dijon mustard. He loves to listen to music and calms down when mommy sings. He is growing so fast! His cheeks are getting chubbier by the minute. His parents are in love with him, can’t stop staring and taking pics, and will endure sleepless nights to make sure he is well fed, loved, and nurtured.

Phoenix Palma, we love you bubs! This month has been nothing short of incredible. We are SO looking forward to seeing you grow up. Here’s to many more milestones together!

I’m Anti-Gender Reveal Parties and I Still Had One – Here’s Why

This past weekend was pretty emotional! This was the first time real tears of excitement and joy were shed. Post IVF and a positive pregnancy test, you’d think that immediate joy would settle in but to my surprise, it didn’t.

I was still struggling with lots of fear and worry. I was trying to get through a very hard season while finding joy. I felt grateful yet sad. And guilt was really starting to settling in.

There were moments that I asked God why this ongoing feeling of sadness kept lingering. Different things would trigger it. And I found that I’m not the only IVF patient who’s felt the same way as I asked other women who had gone through it too. Up until this point I had to be cautiously optimistic. And it was hard to switch from that to joy in a matter of a day. It’s almost like I had to rewire your brain.

The biggest hurdle after getting a positive pregnancy result was continuing to take injections. I saw other mamas-to-be and inevitably compared my journey with theirs. I was heartbroken that I couldn’t just move on from the medicine and the physical pain.

I told my husband, “I’m so thankful but this is still hard for me to get through. I’m still experiencing the loss of what could’ve been”. That night I prayed and asked God to help my heart find joy. To help my heart and body heal. I knew that he could heal the hurt, the loss, and the physical toll my body had gone through.

In the morning, I woke up and said to myself, “We’re going to have a gender reveal party”. Now, I’ve never liked gender reveal parties. I’ve always thought they were corny and unnecessary. That’s what baby showers are for, right? Well something in me told me that I had to start celebrating even in the midst of feeling blue. I had to receive God’s joy by doing the sacred act of celebrating.

Advice: never say never. Life changes every minute. We change as people. And what one day we thought we’d never do, maybe that’s the very thing we need to do to move forward. In this case, it was a cheesy gender reveal party.

The best part was sharing this with our family. They have been just as invested in seeing this miracle happen as us. They have prayed, supported, and been there for the hardest days. In the end, we are so happy we did this party with them.

Plus, we got to eat some pretty delicious food and satisfy our sweet tooth with a mini candy bar. Everything was budget friendly yet fun and pretty. Shoutout to Five Below and the Dollar Store 😉

Five months have passed since we found out we were becoming parents. And even though there are still days that I struggle with this infertility journey, I’ve gotta say that God has truly turned my mourning into dancing (as you can see from the pictures). He has taken care of my heart and is healing it more and more each day.

We are ecstatic to be having a baby boy! My father-in-love is the only one of his brothers who had a son. And Edward, my hubby, is the only son who is having a son to carry the Palma name! God is faithful!

To my son, Phoenix Palma, we love you. You already fill our hearts with a joy that’s unexplainable. Your life is marked by godly legacy. And your name expresses exactly who you are: rising from the ashes, renewal of life, and uniquely remarkable. To us and to so many people, you are uniquely remarkable–our first miracle baby. Te amo, mi bebe!