“I’m just feeling off today”. That’s what I say when I’m feeling down. You know? Those days you wake up feeling like something’s off. You can’t find your joy or the skip in your step. Those days, it takes so more effort to be motivated and excited about life.

One of the things I pray most about is my lack of enthusiasm. I’m not the kind of person that gets excited about things easily. I don’t know if it’s just my personality or the struggle with apathy.

After being married for a little over a year, I’ve come to understand that there are just some things Edward will not remember to do or say. I have to keep reminding him without getting upset or frustrated.

After a while, I just want to give up and be mean towards Edward. I quickly forget and ignore the things he does well and the love he shows me daily. So in an effort to keep the peace and avoid conflict I become apathetic with Edward. I don’t want to talk to him. I want to isolate myself from him and I refuse to say what’s wrong.

I think we approach our relationship with God similarly. We don’t turn to God boldly to pray and ask because we forget about what He’s already done in our lives. We turn off and become apathetic towards Him. We don’t dismiss Him from our lives completely, but we stop interacting with Him in an effort to avoid confronting our pain or our struggle. We see our circumstances and think  that God forgot about us. Unlike humans, God never fails us or forgets about us. When apathy tries to come over us, we have a choice to make. Either we will stay in that dark place or turn to God for comfort and encouragement.

We can’t forget the times God has come through for us. And we can’t stop reminding God of our requests. I believe where there is apathy, there’s a lack of prayer. A lack of “face time” with God. When we come before God daily in prayer, reminding Him that we have not forgotten that He loves us and reminding Him that we trust in His promises, I believe our faith gets reignited.

Voicing our struggle to God and finding encouragement from Him sometimes won’t be as simple and easy as we wish it could be. He’s not always going to use others to encourage us and we will not always find a book or an article that will give us answers and motivation. Maybe, perhaps, God might want to see how much fight we have in us and how much fervor we have for Him. Sometimes we have to wrestle with God, like Jacob did. Even after God broke Jacob’s socket, Jacob refused to let go until God blessed him. There was no form of apathy. He needed God’s blessing and he needed God Himself, therefore he wouldn’t let go.

If you struggle with finding the fight in you to get through daily struggles and hang-ups, like I do, let me encourage you to fervently seek God. Don’t let go, don’t stop praying, don’t stop seeking, until He blesses you. Don’t stop asking God to give you wisdom, guidance and passion for that dream to become a reality. Don’t stop wrestling until He blesses you.

More than the blessings and the rewards, let’s keep seeking God just because we need more of Him in our lives. A sure remedy for sorrow, heaviness, and hardship, is taking refuge in God’s presence. The closeness that happens when we embrace God, when we wrestle with Him, fills up our lives with purpose and that ignites us once more, removing the sting of apathy from our lives.

References

Jacob Wrestles with God
Genesis 32:22-32

Reflection

Do you recall a specific situation in the past that God brought you through? Do you believe He will bring you through a current struggle? Be encouraged to surrender your current struggle to God and remind Him of His promises.

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